Christmas came early for me this year! For the first time ever I did chemo when I was supposed to. What a nice feeling! I was cheering and clapping when I found out, and this other chemo patient said to me: “it’s funny what we get excited about…”yeay, I’m doing chemo!”.
And it’s true. When you are waiting for your blood results, and you get a “go ahead”, it doesn’t feel like “Oh no, chemo!” but “yeay! chemo” bring it on”. Well, at least that’s how it feels for me. Because there is nothing more daunting than waiting for your next chemo session. ‘Un-planning’ previously arranged plans and temporarily planning new ones. Feeling like a slave to your treatment.
So how do I feel at the moment? the part that’s most affected, I would say, is my head. My brain feels like jelly. It feels like there is a cloud between my senses and whatever is happening out there. It all feels a bit dreamlike. I am also sleeping a lot. Waking up occasionally by nightmares (chemo drugs seem to do this, as if invading your reality is not enough they enter your dreams too).
Having done chemo on time means that there is a good chance I’ll be able to enjoy the joys of xmas day with my friends. Please please please santa, don’t send me to hospital. let me have some festive fun!